The Art of Letting Go

One of the most amazing experiences happened to me about three months ago. I continue to feel blessed for acting out of character. Yes, it is true. A great gift came to me because I was not being me. And I still laugh at the irony of it all. So I have been trying to figure out what I did right so I can do it some more.
I have always believed that if you want something to turn out the “right” way, you have to control the process. It doesn’t matter if I do it, delegate it or hire someone. The bottom line is that I am in control.

Over the years, and especially if others are involved, I have learned to make the process fun, engaging and stimulating. I provide clear direction, give effective coaching and express gratitude. I am a fairly decent person to work with, yet I am still in control.

I don’t know where or when these beliefs originated. It may have been from my parents and siblings, or teachers and peers, a work experience, society, the environment… well just about anywhere, I suppose! But honestly, does it really matter where such beliefs come from? I think not. I have them and will continue to have them. So until I decide to change, there it is.

One day, a friend of mine, Sylvie, called to let me know that drapery fabric was on sale. I had mentioned to her that I had no drapery on the windows of our newly built home and she had generously volunteered to help me. Well, I really didn’t want to go shopping on a Saturday. I hate shopping. Really. And I hate giving up any time on a weekend to do something I hate doing. So I agreed to go with her. I don’t exactly know why–something to do with friendship or maybe I was just tired and not thinking clearly.

A long seven hours and a $1,000 dollars later, I had a vehicle full of fabric, a very excited friend and absolutely no intent of personally sewing anything at all. Sylvie was so pleased with the fabric that she wanted to show her beloved husband. Great! I had just been wondering where I was going to stash my “new project.” And indeed luck was on my side when she insisted that I leave the fabric at her house as she was planning to help me even further. I declined a glass of wine and headed home before she could change her mind.

The next few months were a blur. Sylvie had taken control. I never knew what was going on or how anything would look. Every time I wanted to assert control, I decided it was best to take the back seat. Uncharacteristically, I merely provided optimism to the project.

Only once did my sweetheart ask about our drapes. “Drapes?” I apparently shouted. “You mean drapes and shams and two reversible duvet covers (one for winter and one for summer, of course) and throw pillows and bedside mats and…“ Nuts. I was not in charge… not at all. I just paid the bills.

But I realized that although I wasn’t in control of the project, I was in control of how I felt. Even though the end product may not reach my high standards, it was all going to be okay. I decided to let go. I decided that I didn’t always need to be in control. I decided that things could work out fine without me.

My new belief was tested when Sylvie set up a date to bring her creation to my house. She wanted to install it with some stranger while my husband and I were at work. I had no idea what she was creating and now she wanted to install it without me! I let this go too, trusting in my new realization.

I cannot possibly tell you how amazed I was when I got home. The room was absolutely stunning. Sylvie had changed everything. Her style, design, quality of work, fabric selection, props and trimmings were extraordinary. I was awestruck.

All Sylvie said was, “My dear friend, Vera. You work hard. You and your hubby deserve a beautiful retreat at home.” And then she left.

I cried. I felt such enormous love for this amazing woman that I have as a friend. And then I cried some more for recognizing that her precious gift to me was not just the glorious décor. The real gift was providing me with the opportunity to let go long enough to allow this to happen.

Each day as I look at the artful creation in my bedroom, I am reminded that letting go is also an art. We must be clear in what we want in order to move it forward with ease. If and when that ease wanes, graciously let it go. Someone or something else will take over and the outcome will surpass your expectations.

Article originally published in Volume 9-2 of Your Workplace magazine